AI Parents Make Your Work Life Better

While ScorpInc has built its otherworldly success on providing services to corporations, we recognise that there always needs to be a next generation of corporate leader or startup founder on the way up - in the human world, at least.

We also know that certain corporate approaches can stifle your creativity and ability to get the work done that will eventually show up your inferior managers and allow you to rise up the ranks. One of the obstacles in your way is often open plan offices.

While the ideal of open plan offices is colleagues collaborating freely and problem solving quickly, the reality is usually having to hear about Jeff’s weekend while Marketing have a brainstorming champagne breakfast for three hours. Rowdy colleagues can cut through even the best set of noise cancelling headphones, and managers are often so busy trying to be part of the gang instead of getting people to focus. ScorpInc can bring some deeply ingrained discipline to your workplace.

Using AI, we will build the perfect parental figure bot to sit on your corporate instant messenger and get your colleagues to settle down and allow you to get on with building your corporate takeover plan. Using basic information about your colleagues, we will gather data on their family sitcom viewing preferences (formative years to present) and parental authority responses to best create a coworker personality that can pull people into line with a well-targeted chat comment. Given the high staff turnover in most corporate environments, no one will suspect the bot isn’t a real colleague sitting on the other side of the office.

Basic parental personas include:

  • Friendly-pal with authority: “Come on champ, we need to get our head in the game and get this project done”
  • Strict but fair: “Nerf wars sounds great, but only after we’ve closed the deal. Let’s get to work!”
  • Strict and vaguely threatening: “You need to focus. Don’t make me come over there”

ScorpInc’s bot will monitor your whole corporate IM network and begin to preemptively scold or cajole colleagues, as well as responding to prompts from you.

In addition, the data we gather on your colleagues and work environment while active in your communication channels will also be available for acquisition at reasonable rates when you’re ready to make your takeover move.

When it comes to workplace harmony which you control, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.