Last Responders

When it comes to car crashes, house fires, and supercriticality incidents, fatalities are a matter of when, not if. However this doesn’t have to be a time to grieve or look for new recruits! While they may not be first on the scene, ScorpInc’s Last Responders represent a new branch of the emergency services and way of working.

Our dedicated teams of necromancers, medics, aestheticians and summoners are ready to deploy to any emerging meat market, whether it’s a fallen elder or a thirty car pileup. Trained for peak physical fitness and all potential stressful situations, our Last Responders are there to deal with what’s left.

Most commonly they’re employed in helping your beloved staff walk the Earth once more. Assuming enough viable body and brain matter exists for resurrection, they’ll raise your coworker and make sure the impacts of that stroke don’t linger. Soon enough they’ll be back to helping out at full capacity with the workforce - we all know downtime is sadface time!

In more “involved” accidents, our necromancers will be able to bring your loved ones back to life in a different manner, using our patented Cursed Raisings. While our medics can help clear obstructions like embedded glass fragments or star pickets, our aestheticians can cover up unsightly wounds and add some colour back to your deceased subordinates cheeks. Our necromancers will then raise them from the dead and chain them permanently to the Earth. Don’t worry if your employee is required to travel for their duties, the chains are metaphysical, an immaterial binding of the soul to this plane. Now they’ll be able to work harder and longer than ever before, but some accommodations will be required at the office such as a warm blood dispenser to keep them fed and sated.

Of course, there’s not always enough left to make a body or even send them home in a matchbox, but it doesn’t mean they can’t keep helping out the team. Our summoners can call their spirit back from where it has fled and bind it to a new inanimate host. Your new thrall will have the same personality and corporate knowledge as the old staff member, but now be able to work 24/7 without a break, lift a full tonne without assistance and be restrained to your command in both word and intent (no genie-style loopholes for your next employee of the month).

When it comes to emergency services and bringing back lives and profits, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.