Passwords, swipe cards, SMS alerts, MFA apps, fingerprint/retinal/blood/thaum scanners. Managing security is such a hassle! But there is a new way. ScorpInc’s ParaAuth system allows you to have all your authentication easily and securely managed in one simple system.

Everyone knows the three factors of authentication:

  • Something you know such as a password.
  • Something you have such as a swipe card or hardware cryptographic token.
  • Something you are such as your fingerprints or DNA.

But what if we could combine all three factors together in a secure way that lets you use a single device as a multiple factor authentication system? Our cryptoalchemists have developed the answer in ScorpInc’s hallowed R&D laboratories and basilicas with our new ParaAuth offering.

By treating a sample of the user’s blood cells with pure gold in a lead petri dish and then nourishing the mixture with the four humours extracted from key holders at the authenticating entity, a small homunculus will grow. Before it is awakened, a cold iron piercing is made through the nape of the neck, creating a handy loop for attaching to a key ring or phone charm. The creature feeds on nought but the emotional vibrational energy released from the user it was created from and is rated for 10 years or 100,000 authentication attempts before a replacement should be made.

Because it was created with humours from the authenticating service, it is also thaumaturgically bonded to that service, and the unique resonant frequencies that now exist between the two can be used as a form of authentication. The authenticating service can also be federated, allowing Single Sign On to be achieved for any platform that supports the CASL (Cryptozoological Authentication and Security Layer) framework.

The ParaAuth homunculus is something you have, as it will help you unlock services as long as you keep it on or near your person (in your Personal Area Network). It is something you know as it shares your darkest thoughts and secrets and in doing so can only be activated by you. And it is something you are as it is inextricably linked to you, a sentience both separate and inseparable from you.

ScorpInc strongly recommends that at the end of its rated life the ParaAuth be returned for destruction. If your ParaAuth has developed a chrysalis and started growing in size to match yourself please call our helpline immediately.

When it comes to secure authentication, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.