ScorpInc Now Offering DNA Testing

ScorpInc has long been involved behind-the-scenes with banking, post handling services, and facilities cleaning and our Inventioneers™ have been hard at work on new project that brings together one important aspect of such disparate industries: DNA. Unlike other services that require voluntary submissions of DNA and have a limited corpus from which to determine matches, we have a much more complete picture of the DNA library of the human race. If you have ever handled a coin, licked an envelope, or gone to a bathroom at a shopping centre we have you on file. Thanks to our other connections in archaeology, will archiving, and museum collection handling we also have one of the largest collections of DNA for those who have passed on to other realms. For only a small fee, we can cross-reference you in our expansive catalogue and help you discover if you’re really related to Charlemagne.

Unfortunately, our more unscrupulous competitors have been known to pad their profits by selling your data to health insurance companies to determine changes to your premiums. Our commitment to you is that we will never do this, your trust in us is an asset more valuable than a cheap buck. You may also be concerned that many companies have been forced by law enforcement agencies or courts to turn over information – including DNA records – to implicate people in illegal acts. You can rest assured that ScorpInc believes entirely in data sovereignty and due to our unusual operating circumstances we are unable to be compelled by any law enforcement or court that you can name and several that you can’t.

ScorpInc, the name you will trust.