Unauthorised Merchandise

ScorpInc has become increasingly aware of unauthorised company merchandise in the past 18 months. While ScorpInc does provide uniforms, ceremonial robes, and HAZMAT suits for employees, we do not sell branded clothing to the public.

In the interest of protecting our brand, ScorpInc commenced an investigation into the various manufacturers and distributors of this bootleg clothing. Having identified all involved companies and parties, ScorpInc made the unusual decision of choosing not to prosecute.

Instead, ScorpInc took steps through our network of shell companies, subcontracted entities, and “friend-of-a-friend with some extra money looking for a quick profit” to infiltrate the producers of the infringing items. We then used our influence to enhance the clothing offered with a range of “covert wearables”, including tracking and recording devices. By entering into an illegal transaction by purchasing this unauthorised merchandise, our legal team is confident that all proceeding rights to privacy while using said merchandise is void (even when used in The Void).

We now have an extensive database of the movements and conversations of everyone who obtained a bootleg ScorpInc item. We estimate there are approximately 7.4 million garments currently “in the wild” across multiple countries and dimensions.

We will soon be offering two new services:

  • A massive dataset which may be purchased or interrogated regarding the habits of any subset of individuals
  • The opportunity to remove your data from the dataset for a scaling fee based on the heinousness of the data we hold

As the popularity of our merchandise continues to grow, we may be able to sell improved, live datasets that identify traffic patterns for GPS and self-driving vehicle manufacturers, pedestrian movements for town planners - the sky isn’t even the limit of our capability if we discover more pairs of ScorpInc kicks on the International Space Station.

When it comes to making an apparent loss into an absolute gain, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.