Secondary Hearts As A Service (SHaaS)

ScorpInc has been the name you will trust for all your body part requirements. Our services in ritual and spell components have continued to provide ethical sources for these types of ingredients for millennia.

In addition, we have provided back-up organs for some of our preferred partners, storing cloned versions in our sterile holding facilities until time or misadventure sees the need arise for spare parts.

ScorpInc is expanding this service, and would like to offer our top tier clients the opportunity to install an on-site secondary heart.

Our medical technicians and neo-shamans undertake a simple procedure to make room close to your existing heart and install the backup heart. It should remain in stasis until required.

Other than the obvious need for a backup heart, some of the other uses include:

  • Assistance at the start of a relationship. We have a fine range of poets' hearts available. Switch over at will, and allow your emotions to be expressed with an eloquent beauty to your newest inamoratae.
  • Protection at the end of a relationship. Your secondary heart will allow your body to go through the motions in your grey, empty life while your primary heart is broken.
  • Energy boost. Running both hearts together temporarily will allow a power boost. Ideal for the heat of battle, or when you want to sculpt your killer calves for just ten more minutes.
  • Downshifting. We can custom design the size of your secondary heart. Switching to a smaller heart will help you keep any pangs of regret or empathy at bay when undertaking your next nefarious mission.
  • Alternate fuel supply. We can engineer your second heart to pump anything you like, such as ice water.

We invite our Osmium Level clients to get in contact regarding this exciting new service. Hearts are available in any colour you prefer, so long as it’s your cultural equivalent of black.

PLEASE NOTE: Heart installation is not currently available for cyborgs or other robot-related entities, by legal agreement.