ScorpInc Announces Redundancies

Unfortunately it’s been a cataclysmic time for many industries, and as a vertical monopoly across most industries we too have felt the pinch of tightening economic conditions. Due to this, ScorpInc has decided to make many of our competitors redundant.

Thanks to our record-breaking profits, we have decided to slash the market and either acquire or drive out companies that attempted to threaten our dominance in key areas of agriculture, technology, manufacturing, defense technology, thaumaturgy, biotechnology, retail goods, groceries, craft supplies, robotics, and furniture.

All companies that have been made redundant will be given a generous severance package to help them with the transition. Firstly, all staff and middle management at our rivals will be offered new jobs with matched compensation and benefits at ScorpInc. Given the difficulties of determining executive compensation at these rival companies, any that have had rounds of redundancies due to a lack of planning on their part will be offered a pizza party and our best wishes for the future as long as they sign a non-disclosure agreement, non-compete agreement, and waive all rights to legal action in exchange for private arbitration mediated by our genetically modified legal hounds.

For executives worried this is not suitable recompense for their years of grinding 12 hours a day at corporate lunches and gym sessions, we have an alternative options available for star executives.

We hope you understand this is a difficult decision for us. Redundancies are never easy but in these times it’s incredibly important that all competitors need to work much harder to remain viable in this industry.

When it comes to downsizing, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.