AI-Powered Routers

The future is smart, with AI powering more than ever before and our new range of residential xDSL, fibre, cable, satellite, dialup, and ley line modem/routers use the latest in ScorpInc AI serf technology. Using powerful artificial intelligence they can apply smart routing algorithms and quality-of-service shaping so one housemate’s interest in downloading Linux ISOs off BitTorrent won’t impact another’s desire for low-latency online gaming.

The neural models of our AI-Powered Routers allow it to be context-aware in its duties. Stuck in a 4-hour Zoom call with a vendor while working from home? It knows exactly when to freeze, stutter, and drop the connection so you can dash off an apology email about your “faulty” connection and get back to raiding in Seed with your corpguild.

Furthermore, we’ve built in automated parental controls that can detect “boomer” social posts and shares. Worried about your parents sharing misinformation regarding 5G chemtrail-issued vaccines or lies about ScorpInc’s plans for world domination? This router will automatically adjust the post privacy settings so it’s only visible to them. This makes it the perfect, self-configuring device you can install in your parent’s home to stop worrying about how they’re inadvertently helping to bring down modern society.

Of course, sentience comes with responsibilities and it behooves you to treat your router like you’d treat an artificially intelligent combat robot, make sure to give it enrichment by allowing it free access to your streaming services catalogue and if you’re looking to upgrade from an existing AI-Powered Router to a newer model, consider letting it join our New Start For Artificial Life program.

When it comes to technology that thinks for you, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.