Deck the office halls with holly, set up the ScorpInc OsteoCrete Christmas tree, and have a few mugs of eggnog with your holiday temps, for ‘tis the season to be merry!
And what could be more seasonal than fighting over the best meat of the Christmas turkey? Of course, this isn’t a beloved tradition and we here at ScorpInc have decided to disrupt the old ways of thinking with our new Christmas Octo-Turkey.
Using the patented, trademarked, and curselocked technology from our Octo-Chicken work we’ve created the perfect holiday meal for family get togethers and office functions. No more arguing over choice cuts, now the only arguing is with the racist, conspiracy nut aunt/coworker who believes chemtrail-delivered vaccines are a net negative for society.
Of course, simply having the raw ingredients doesn’t make for a guaranteed good meal as half the taste is in the prep and cooking. To aid in this, ScorpInc has perfected the Isotopical Cooking System. We pack and ship the pre-marinated Octo-Turkey in our ICS containers before sending them out with our whisper quiet delivery manticores. These containers are lined with a trade- and state-secret uranium/plutonium blend which cooks the turkey in situ, so by the time it arrives it’s ready to eat!*
This festive octo-bird can be delivered roasted, fried, poached, or even raw if you have particularly hungry Succubots on-staff/in-law. We also provide the option of an alprazolam-infused stuffing to complement the turkey and satiate even the most belligerent uncle/boss.
When it comes to catering your family-by-blood/family-by-contract, ScorpInc is the name you will trust.
*Please wear lead-lined HAZMAT suits when handling.